prettyinpunk82

I'm a huge nerd for posting this everywhere, but really, I'm just glad I found proof of its existence. I used to watch this show from what seems like birth until I was about 3 or 4. I never remembered the name, only that it was about a mannequin named Jeff, some retro chick with an 80's fro, a muppet named Sam, and a mouse named Muffy. It took place in a department store that came alive after dark. The mannequin would become real and ruckus ensued. For the longest time I was actually starting to worry because nobody seemed to know this show aired. In fact, most seemed to think I was on acid or shrooms or something when I tried to describe it. Then, my wonderful coworker Vanessa told me the name... Today's Special. Once I had the name I felt compelled to look it up, and this is what I found...



So to all those who thought I was trippin' when I mentioned this... IN YOUR FACE!!!

It did indeed exist. :>

I have never been so close to deleting this livejournal. I almost never write here anymore. Then I read Sarah's entry (paleseptember81) and took a stroll down memory lane. I read through some entries so old that reading them now is embarrassing. The person I was is now-frankly-kind of embarrassing. Even the reason I started this whiney blog is sickeningly depressing. The only thing more so is my paper journals. Is it wrong to say that THAT girl feels... well... obsolete? Even if I can still remember what it was like to be her?

I know of maybe two people who I can imagine may read this. For many of my friends have left LJ behind them. I'm still deliciously tempted. I got to thinking about what paleseptember81 wrote, about realizing you've wasted your time on someone. I gathered that that was the very core of my poor livejournal's existence. It began under my sad broken hearts need to gush, and gush, and gush unerringly. It's to the point that I'm not sure I really know how to write a journal when my heart is no longer broken. Ask my paper journals... they'll spout volumes about the details of my time spent in the bell jar. (Not boy related, mind you.)

Without angsty, youthful heartache, I'm just not sure my daily life is blatantly interesting enough to be writing about. I mean, I work 42hrs a week with kids from k-5th. Sure I have stories, some of them pretty fucking funny, but it hardly warrants a daily recap.

But then I thought again... about the butterflies. :)

Did anyone see them? They've been migrating to the mountains in Mexico. Saturday I was bombarded by swarms of Monarch butterflies at my work's Book Fair. These beautiful black and orange fluttering flurries sadly fly like kamikaze pilots into cars, but instinct is at the heart of us all, and sometimes we get blind-sided. Thems the breaks.

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-mexico-butterflies23-2009mar23,0,6624988.story

And well, if I don't have butterflies, there is always Bill Maher. I'll can never get sick of posting New Rules. That alone is worth keeping this damn thing. ;>

I realized I haven't written in here since I went to Europe, and since I've been back I haven't had a whole lot going on, so I haven't bothered. Europe was amazing, and it left me amazingly broke. I could spend forever writing about this trip, but I wont. I'll keep it to the minimum. I kept a written journal while I was there anwyay. I will go as far as to say that my favorites were Santorini/Greece, Dublin/Ireland, Stonehenge... just outside of Salisbury/England and Loch Ness in Scotland. I got sick as shit in Drumnadrochit/Lewiston (two towns on Loch Ness) and it still managed to be one of my favorite places. Backpacking is harder than it looks and I expected to lose a ton of weight while I was there. That didn't really pan out because I literally ate my way through Europe too (an experience I couldn't pass up). It was incredibly hard and frustrating at times, but so completely worth it just to have had that whole experience. I discovered that some of the things I expected to be hard were actually easier than I thought, and difficulties that I didn't even think about made me want to scream. Madrid is forever tainted in my mind (it's a long and torrid story)... basically I left feeling that everyone in that city was a big bastard. I advise sticking to Barcelona for a major city in Spain. In fact, stick to Cordoba or Granada; the smaller the better. And I feel that I have to go back and mend my relationship with London one day, because we got off on the wrong foot, by no fault of the city. Everyone has such a divided opinion of Italy. My favorite was Florence. My feet never hurt as bad as they did in Rome, no matter the amazing things I saw. Venice was lovely despite the mosquitos, even if I was in one of the most romantic cities in the world with my gay friend. :> Edinburgh was awesome for all the old gothic architecture. I kissed the Blarney Stone in Blarney Castle, but don't really feel more eloquent. Athens is one of the dirties cities ever and I will never go back. I got yelled at in Greek more times than I can count in the shops there. The Acropolis was all that was worth it. Pompeii was both beautiful and heartbreaking, and far more detailed than I ever imagined. And Toulouse/France would have been just fine if it weren't for that fucker at the hotel. It has been over two months since I've been back and it almost feels like I dreamed it, but lucky for me, I have pictures. :)

I'm working at a Volunteer job here in Hollister. I get paid a small living stipend, but I feel pretty good about what we're putting together. I work as a Resident Activities Leader for a learning center for children from low income families. It's an Ameri Corp volunteer program organized by the National Farm Workers Association. I'm getting teaching experience and I'm surprised to admit that I really enjoy what I'm doing. And since I still don't know if I'll be getting my PhD next year or getting my credential, I can't think of a better time to do volunteer work. I was worried about my student loans, but I have a couple ways around that in favor of what I'm doing right now. I probably won't ever find a free year where I'll be available to do something like this again.

Since I've been back I've seen most of my high school friends, which is always amazing. I'm seeing them more often than I have in the last two years. I miss LA though. I miss ethnic food and all the random things to do, even though I was usually too busy to do them when I was there. I will miss LA friends and roommates. I miss being on my own. I had planned to go to LA for Halloween, but I can't now because I'll be here making a haunted house for the learning center kids.

I'm rewriting my Master's thesis. I was dead set on getting it published, but the more I looked at it I realized I was holding myself back. I was self-censoring myself because it was something for school. I now realize how lame that is, so I'm amending my ways. Hopefully it'll be ready to be published by the end of the year.

I joined a gym. I felt like a lump, so I joined the gym. I missed yoga and kickboxing. For someone who always hated the gym, I found that after living in LA I came back home to Hollister only to realize that I'd grown accustomed to it. I feel more disciplined and alert during the day when I wake up early and make myself go.

I'm totally in love with the new HBO series True Blood. It's based on a series of books I've been reading since... high school, I think. Its a little different, but they're trying real hard to get it right. I'm pleased. I haven't been a huge fan of a TV show in a long time. I feel a little bit nerdy, but I'm embracing it. I recommend it if you don't mind vampires, blood, and almost an obscene amount of sex. Lord knows I don't. :)

So I'm done. I just finished my last class and I graduate on the 16th, assuming they find nothing wrong with my thesis. I gleefully quit my job on the 10th, or rather, I've quit and that's my last day. I leave for Europe on the 20th. I have the gear and I have the money, so I'm going. Beyond all that I have no idea what I'm doing with the rest of my life.

I know I'll work on getting published, and that's about all I have nailed down as a plan. I have a really solid piece of work to try and get out there, a respectable amount of fiction. And I probably have a good solid collection of poetry if I get it all together. I have a few ideas for future things I want to write. I'm about as optimistic as I ever let myself get.

As for a career, I'm at a crossroads. The Phd program won't be happening this fall. I was actually more relieved than I thought. It's not something I'm currently committed to doing, but have not yet written off for next year. It's something I might do depending on how the whole publishing thing goes. If I get published I might not need it to get the kind of job I want. As it is, I've narrowed down my options. My first option is teaching for a community college. That would be my first choice. It might prove to be kind of tough because I don't have much in the way of teaching experience. I could probably be an adjunct professor, but that would serve me about as well as a hole in the head... as it wouldn't even come close to paying my bills. The student loan people would have to come hunt me down.

I'm also considering getting ESL certified to teach abroad in Japan, or Argentina, or Brazil... or something. I don't know much about this process yet, but I'm doing my best to look into it. If nothing else it would give me classroom experience and a chance to travel. I'm on the fence with this one until I learn more about it, which is proving pretty aggravating.

And lastly, and probably the most controversial choice, at least for me, is teaching high school. A very big part of me wants to run for the hills at the thought of this. For as long as I can remember I was adamant about absolutely not teaching high school. Never, ever, did I see myself considering this. I didn't like high school much when I was actually in high school, and I don't fancy going back. It would be different, obviously, but I keep imagining a slew of kids who aren't serious about being there (because god knows I wasn't), a rigidly set curriculum, and horrible pay. And yet, about the only things that appeal to me are that I could potentially get into a program that pays me for my student loan payments while I get my credential, the bliss that is summers off, and hopefully move a student or two to potential greatness. Damn my inclination to improve youth, even just a little.

I told myself I won't think about this too much until I come back June 30th. I'm really going to have to pick something by then. If I'm not awarded some junior college offer, it may come down to me drawing an option out of a hat. I guess that's better than pulling one out of my ass.

Okay, so maybe I'm on crack for trying this, but I'm doing the Master Cleanse for 3 and 1/2 days. It's supposed to be 10, but lets face it, it's 4:30 on day 1 and I already want to gnaw my leg off. Sooo... I'm making a rockin' soup on Friday night and that'll be the end of it. I'm doing this because I've heard from a number of people how good they felt after doing it, even if for the first few days you supposedly feel like shit. It looks like I'm signing on for this just for those "feel like shit" days, but that's the price I pay. It's supposed to leave you more clear headed and get rid of internal... blockage. And I've felt stressed out and backed up a bit lately so I thought I'd give it a shot... for a pitiful 3 and 1/2 days. And you apparently drop some weight, which I find to be a bona fide perk. If any of you don't know what this is, it's lemon juice, water, pure maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. That's it for 10-40 days, if you can push it that long. I can't, and have no intentions whatsoever to be that crazy, though I may consider it if I can get through this one short time. I'm considering this a little trial experiment, to see if I actually do feel better for it... and look better for it too. I know there is excessive controversy over this "diet," "detox," or "cleanse" thing. Honestly, I'm one of those skeptical people who thought it didn't really sound healthy, but I'm not one to completely write off something I haven't even tried. There is no proof that this works except from word of mouth by avid heath nuts, and I may give up much sooner than my 3+ days if I feel like I'm gonna die, but I've been curious for a while. And so far today has proved to be okay... I worked out, which I didn't think I'd have the energy for, but I actually felt more attune to the world, things seemed sharper, and I felt like I could have exercised for hours and been fine. I am hungry, but not starving. Whenever it hits me, I just put this juice on it, and it actually tastes great. I'm bound to crash and wallow in my misery any second now, but for now, I'm fine. I can't do much of a salt water chug without gagging, but the laxative tea probably won't be a big deal either. I know people who have been all the better for it, and those who've... well... been rushed to the hospital (but she was a skinny bitch anyway who weighted 2lbs). Considering I know I'm hypoglycemic, I'm hoping beyond hope that I don't suffer too much for this and that it works for me... making me feel revitalized and alert and *cough* a wee bit thinner. And before anyone tries to brow beat me, I know all too well from personal experience that the world has better ways to loose weight, and that isn't the sole reason of this cleanse for me. If I feel more focused and balanced in all ways possible, then it will have been worth it for me. I am not suicidal, anorexic, or anything like that. I love food way too much to shun it for good. On that note, wish me "healthy" luck, and "peace" of mind. Thank you. :)

Note: To distract myself from said hunger in between reading through sections of my thesis, I found these. I love Stephen Lynch... he makes me smile in his lyrical non-PC way. A marriage of music and humor; what could be better? Not much folks, not much...

Beelz (Satan Song):


Grandfather:


If I were gay:


I think you're a Nazi:


Dungeons & Dragons:


Just some of my favorites. :)

Even kids think he's a douchebag! :)

I just got back from seeing Into The Wild, the new Sean Penn movie. I saw it in one of those theaters movies go to before they die... or at least before they hit DVD. So if you want to see it, you might have to do some searching. I still highly recommend you see it. Not only is Emile Hirsch very VERY easy on the eyes, but it's a really intense story with some of the most beautiful landscapes and untouched wilderness imaginable. A review or two may say it's slow, or boring, but that's just bullshit... its something that actually rests on plot and story rather than sex, violence, and special effects... all full of impossible fight scenes and shit blowing up. And though I love all those things respectably, and this movie had none (or very little) of them, it still managed to blow my mind. Honestly, it's just a really good story... not too sad (or unexpectedly sad), not unbelievable (because it's based on truth), just simple, real, and admirable. If you think you can sit through something that rests on that alone, go for it, you won't be disappointed.

Oh yes... and I finally have a new phone. My Razr has passed on, or rather, I have retired it to a box in my closet. It has failed me for the last time. I now have a reliable Samsung... so Motorola can suck it. That as well has improved my day immensely.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.

I, however, was in Hollister with a cold, and an infected newly pierced ear that swelled up so that it stood distended from my head like a Dumbo ear. It was lovely... sitting in Urgent Care for almost two hours waiting for antibiotics. So lovely. Oh the joys of the holiday season. *sigh*

In response to my slew of gift cards this x-mas, I bought the coat I'd been wanting from Macy's to take to Europe. I was pleasantly surprised to find it more than half off online when I returned to LA to buy it. I also saw fit to extend my poetry collection, which I'd been meaning to do for some time. I bought some Neruda, Rilke, Whitman, e.e. cummings, and a couple of other lesser known poets. I'm lucky that paperback poetry isn't that expensive. (Or maybe not, considering I write it.) Oh, and I also bought The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolfe, seeing as I'm rather impressed with her lately...

I just read The End of America. Amazing book! I don't want to sum it up, but because I feel I must, it basically demonstrates some of the parallels between America now (and what it's becoming) to various fascist regimes of the past. It does much more than this of course, but if you've ever needed a summing up of the wayward turn our country has gone due to the Bush administration... this would be the book. I mean, I knew most of the issues, if not all, but I've never had it collected and put together all concise and organized like this before. The effect? Well... it scared the bajezzus out of me, but I guess that's kind of the point. Republican, Democrat, it really doesn't matter. We should all be equally scared of what America threatens to become, with all of our constant turning of a blind eye, and our laziness and fear. To be blunt, read this fucking book if you care about your freedom. Period. I bought it for my Dad and my Nana. She'll love it; my dad did. And so should you!

I got a couple travel books and socks. I got the perfume I wanted. iTunes gift card. Ross gift card. Starbucks gift card (though I'm never there). I got the book I Am Legend, because I wanted to read it, mostly because the movie (though pretty good) felt incomplete. I saw Sweeny Todd, and it was pretty damn impressive as well. Bloody as all hell, but then I would have been very shocked if it wasn't. Great story, and characters, and use of color. Loved the movie. Tim Burton rocks my socks yet again.

I saw the La Brea Tar Pits today. Basically... I thought it would be bigger. I thought I'd see more pits... more tar! It looks a lot like a little lake, and apparently life got stuck in it because it was mistaken for water. Yeah, yikes. But really, not terribly impressive to see. It's just a bubbling little puddle behind a fence. Probably entertaining "in action" I suppose, but since that's realistically impossible, short of some tard jumping the fence and going for a swim... well, I'm glad I saw it as a LA landmark, and that's about it.

Now that I can cross that off my to-do list with a firm, annoyed stroke and an enthusiastic eye roll, I do have a couple things I still want to do in LA. Make my way to the Hollywood sign, and watch movies at the Hollywood Cemetery. That last one will have to wait until Spring. I would also like to see the Dali exhibit at the LACMA this week, but we'll see. I only have this week left to see it before it's gone. :(

Roommate rented Knocked-up and Children of Men. Both good. One quite funny. One quite powerful. I recommend both.

It is that time of year when I am cold... all the time. I remember wishing for this last summer. Now, all I see are beaches. *sigh*

Happy New Year people! May 2008 be more promising than the last. <3

I chose something small. I chose something that probably a lot of people have, in one way or another. I chose to keep it simple, in both design and color. And you know what? I don't care. It was just what I wanted.

Why did I get it? A few reasons... a few are probably kind of stupid, but again, don't care. I used to have a mole there. It was this tiny black beauty mark that I actually kind of thought was pretty and feminine. I got worried about it at one point and had it looked it. It wasn't cancerous, but they wanted to remove it anyway. They did, it scarred, and every time I saw the place it used to be, I found myself a bit annoyed... just, somewhat bothered. Is it lame to say I missed it? And the scar looked... distorted, and oblong, and just a reminder of my "just to be safe" attempt at not getting cancer (which my biopsy concluded it never would have become anyway). So I thought to myself, what is the simplest, most feminine symbol I can think of that I can put over that scar? What can I put there that would satisfy me? I chose a waxing crescent moon. A waxing moon is the new moon. In pagan culture it represents youth, but it also represents the beginning in a variety of phases. It stands for femininity, cycles, and change. It's also a part of a lot of mythology that I've always had a certain facination with. It's connected with the emotional, or feeling nature of an individual, and is a more passisve and intuitive symbol. In tarot it stands for illusion, madness,creativity, poetry, and primal power. I like the pagan aspect of it. I can't help it. But it also stands for positive associations in Islamic culture, among others. So that is my small but simple tattoo. No major meaning other than I wanted to stop being a pussy about it and get one. I was wanting, waiting, and thinking about finding something SO unique, and SO specific, that I'd never get anything ever! I wanted it, I did it. I don't care if it's common or overdone. It has a few really great meanings that I like, and it was done well.

It hurt, I won't lie. But it was bearable. The tips of the moon hurt the most, but the shading just hurt in a way that left me feeling kind of numb to it after a while. I wouldn't be able to sit there for hours, but mine didn't take very long, so it was fine. I was nervous about it at first... in a way that had me sweating like a whore in church... but the experience of actually getting the tattoo was fine, it was okay, tolerable. I would get another tattoo, but not necessarily because I'm addicted to the feeling like some people. It just plain hurt and I wanted it done. So... this is it. It's a bad picture, because I took it with my camera phone and you can see the tape marks from where they taped the bandage to me, but this is basically it. :)




And now I have another tattoo in mind... also something very small. I like the idea of little, tiny, simple tattoos that are bit hidden. I want to be able to show it when I want, like unveiling a surprise. I think the idea is kind of sexy. Anyway, I'm waiting to do it when I come back from my Europe trip. I want more inspiration and time to think about it in terms of specifics. So that's it!

Peace.

Justin and I decided to amend our trip a little bit, in that we're adding more cities. Yes, that means less in each place overall, but it's still pretty doable. We figured out that it'll be pretty hard to get a cheep flight from Greece to Ireland, so we're taking the train in that direction. We're stopping in Vienna, Austria (a beautiful city that I was ready to sell a limb to see), and Prague in the Czech Republic (which I had wanted to see with school before our director got the axe), and Amsterdam :)... Netherlands. Justin and I both want to smoke some weed there, on the street, because it's legal... maybe buy some pot brownines in a cafe. :) Every city has its perks! So that's the new plan. It's open to change in the near future, but for now, that's it. It pretty much leaves us with an average of 3-4 days in each country, but certain ones will get longer... like Italy, becasue we want to see Rome, Florence, and Venice. Spain has Madrid and Barcelona. Greece mainly has Athens, Ireland has Dublin, Scotland has Edinburgh... and Aberdeen. We don't know the specifics yet, but some places might only end up getting a day or two, which will be okay. We just have to figure out how to manage it. Also, London is expensive, so it'll get less time. We might end up staying in the cheaper places longer out of practicality. I'm still really pleased that we've tacked these places on to our trip. They were the three major places that we'd originally left out that I was seriously sad to pass by. There are a couple more that I'd like to see to a slightly lesser degree (like Budapest, Hungary and Berlin, Germany), but whatever, I got the major additions that I'm absolutely thrilled about.

Other than that:

1.) I have two applications left that I should be done with by Friday.

2.) I did absolutely shitty on my GRE Subject... which was to be expected, so I'm not gonna cry myself a river. I'm a terrible test taker anyway.

3.) A very small tattoo is in the works. I haven't done it yet, but I have a consultation Friday. It's tiny... won't be much to look at in terms of jaw dropping art, but for me, pretty cool nonetheless.

I haven't written in a while, but I felt that booking my trip to Europe (Finally!!!) was worth a post. I bought the round trip tickets from LA to London and back, and then the flight from London to Barcelona, Spain. We still have to buy the tickets from Greece (probably Athens) to Dublin, and then Dublin back to London, but that can wait a little closer to our departure date. So for right now, the most important tickets have been purchased... the tickets that mean I cannot decide I can't afford to go. I can't decide I don't want to go (though that's pretty much impossible). And I can't trip and crack my head open, or get hit by a car, or anything like that (knock on wood).

The trip is from May 20th to June 30th, so about 6 weeks give or take. I can't tell you how long I've wanted to backpack through Europe. I've been to France, and I've (kind of) been to London, but I was only 17 and ill equipped to enjoy it to its full potential... especially considering it was with school. I'm a tad nervous money wise. I mean, I could afford all my tickets right now, if I wanted to buy them all right now. It's the actual funding of the stay there that I'm a little more concerned about. I know I'm saving my butt off. I know my dad knows I'm going and is planning to help me. I also know I have to buy a shit load of things... like a backpack, and a better memory card for my camera, and those European outlet adaptors for my hair dryer. I know it sounds like mediocre worries/expenses, but it's expensive, and kind of necessary stuff. The only thing that blinds me to these things is the anticipation of the trip itself. And since I'm now locked in, I must admit... I'm a bit giddy!

We start in London, fly immediately to Barcelona, move along the coast from France, to Italy, to Greece, and then fly to Dublin, to enjoy Ireland and Scottland, and then we go back to London for a time, and then fly home. Justin (my roomie going with me) is an architect, so I can trust him to drag me to every worthwhile structure in every country (I declared my particular interest in art and castles... and of course food). He can count on me to get him drunk in Dublin... as it is my dutiful task to make sure he aquires a taste for beer (which he currently doesn't like). I'm also looking forward to the beaches, and riding vespas everywhere. I have a little info on Ireland (good tips/places from someone I know who went), but we still have to sort of manifest a real itinerary. We by no means have any set plans yet... just errant desires for this trip that we just today dedicated ourselves to.

Oh, and if I happen to trip over a hot Irish guy, and he stumbles upon some cute Spanish dude, well... that would just be some sweet icing on the cake now wouldn't it? I dated a Greek guy once... they aren't bad either. But I'm more for the British Isles... what can I say? I'm a sucker for the right accent. ;)

Seriously. I'm both exuberant and a tad paniced. I'm sure I'll be more secure the closer it comes. I just don't want to go and starve. It seems like a reasonable request... or rather, hope. Anyhow, besides that, I'm applying to Phd programs. I know, I know... will she ever be done with school!?! you ask. Yes, in 5 more years or so... that is, if I get accepted anywhere. I'm applying to 12 schools. It feels like a lucky number. 1 out of 12 better accept me, and offer me a fantastic stipend, or I'm kind of screwed. I don't need any more looming debt. But even if I'm looking at 30 before I'm really done with my education, I'm kind of excited about that too. I really hope this horrible application process isn't for nothing, and that schools still want to accept me as an English major when I've done nothing but creative writing for the last few years. Oh yeah, the thesis I'm doing is coming along okay. It's not as monstrous as it once seemed. I'm picking away at this oh-so-large ambitious thing.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing well! I'm sorry I'm not more on top of posting, but I promise I'll work hard at throwing all the important stuff up on here! Miss you all... as I am off in my own little busy world lately. Hope to be out of it soon!

So I got a new job... I guess that's worth a post, right? I'm an executive secretary, receptionist, administrative assistant (whatever you want to call it) for a jewelry manufacturing company in Downtown Los Angeles (ie: a block or two from USC, and between 5-10 mintues from where I live). Basically, I do a lot of emails and draft letters for a very business savy (if not very computer literate) corporate boss. I also fax a lot of invoices, answer the phone, you know... all the basic front desk stuff that makes me feel oh so important in the world. And other than feeling somewhat weird (with an even stranger sense of irony) having to get used to using a PC again after having a Mac for 6months... honestly, it's not so bad. Today was my first day and I work with two girls my age who are actaully really nice, and I pretty much have enough work to keep me busy, but not SO much that I wanted to quit immediately (as in, leaving at lunch and never coming back). I also make $3 more an hour than I did at my previous job, and I'm full time again, which is both good and bad, but I'm trying not to think about it. I'm back to a 9-5 job now... only this is the only full time job I've ever had that actually ran those hours consistently. My only real gripe is not being able to work out in the mornings anymore... and perhaps less time for a life (but it's not like I actually used my abundance of it in the last few weeks anyway with nobody around). And though I might not be able to stay the year I promised, as far as jobs go, it could be much worse. So alas, I will join the rest of the world in having my weekends off like a normal person, along with the small luxury of having no traffic and hitting zero freeways on my brief and ridiculously convenient "commute" to work.

Oh yeah... I am SO backpacking through Europe next summer. Short of an act of God, I'm am fucking going!

:)

My dog Shiloh died this morning.


My dad said he lost 10lbs. He was thinner than normal, but for a Beagle that should weigh 50lbs, give or take, that's a lot to loose. He tried to walk out the back door but got caught behind it, between where the door is hinged to the frame and the wall... he got confused and he couldn't walk backwards. The vet thinks he had a stroke, or a couple strokes. He had impacted bowels and could barely walk on his back two legs, and as of this morning, he couldn't at all. He got stuck under the kitchen table and couldn't figure out how to get out with all the chair legs around him. He was skinny, boney, and gone completely white. He'd been eating woodchips and rocks from the backyard... thinking it's food. He didn't seem to be in pain, but he's been really affectionate and clingy for the last few days... my dad has been waking up with him sleeping by his head. I'm so upset. He was put down this morning when he jumped off the bed and couldn't walk at all. He just seemed so disoriented, and scared... he didn't want to leave my dad's side. My dad couldn't go to work and leave him like that, alone and unable to function. I don't know what Skippy is going to do with out him either. Skippy's stability sort of revolves around Shiloh, and without him he's insecure and restless. And it's ridiculous, but I feel guilty. I feel guilty I wasn't there, and I feel even worse that when I would visit I would get so frustrated with him. He would make me put him on the bed 2-4 times a night just becuase he would go outside to pee, but then he couldn't jump back on the bed because of his disease, and because he couldn't see in the dark. He would hit my bed with his paw and make me help him, and often times I was tired and snippy. I feel horrible, like I should have realized he wouln't be around much longer, like I should have been sweeter to him instead of annoyed half the time. He was a wonderful dog, just shy of 14 years. I bought him myself when I was 11. He was bratty and destructive as a puppy, but wise and majestic as an adult. He had personality! And now, I feel like a retard for being this upset over a dog, but I am. I cried in the shower like I lost a child, or a family member. I guess he was. I'm so depressed, and I feel like an idot for being this big of a wreck. But that's just the way it is. He's gone, and I am. Period.

My dad is getting him cremated and put in a little urn. We'll cast his ashes whenever I next get the chance to visit. I don't see my dad keeping him on the mantle forever. Dead person, dead animal... it's a little weird.

So Monterey Poetry Review is publishing one of my poems. It's a very small publication that only takes work from people local to the Bay Area, but I'm still pleased. I posted this on MySpace, but realized most people know I don't blog there, so it was probably a waste of time. Anyway, it's called "The Navel" and it's in their "Childhood" issue that goes to print here pretty soon. If you can't snag a copy (they used to have them on occasion @ Barnes & Noble), then check it out online when they finally post that issue. It's www.montereypoetryreview.org, so let me know what you think. It's nothing major, but a little recognition never hurt me any. :)

Other than that, I'm looking into figure modeling for art classes/artists. It's decent money and unless I do workshops then I can work out my own schedule. I have one thing that is pretty much a green light, but I have yet to set it up. I don't know if this is something I'll do a lot of, or even at all... but I have a concrete possibility on the horizon, and for $25 an hour, it might be worth it.

That's it. Peace out cruel world. Mwah!

It feels like for-fucking-ever since I've posted. I honestly don't feel I've had much to say, and the normal bullshit just didn't feel worth typing. I'm home for Christmas for a week. I'm currently stealing free internet from someone in my neighborhood and that's the only reason I have access. I gained two A's, credit for my third class, and about 6lbs this semester. When I was living at home I didn't have much of a life other than work and was more readily able to starve myself and ride my own ass like a nazi. Since I refuse to stop going out to eat, drink, and essentially having a life now that I'm in LA, I've decided that I have to try something else. As of tomorrow morning I'm going to try and start running, which I've hated for about as long as I can remember. Add kickboxing to that next semester, along with what I normally do, and we'll see how that goes. If that doesn't work, well... I'm gonna have to get comfy with being a little heavier in exchange for a social life, and just call that "fit" enough for the time being. I could talk about work, and that I'm already so sick of it it's pathetic, but I won't. I did however get a hefty bonus which pleased me. I really just want to be doing what I've been going to school to do, write and teach, but I have to endure menial jobs for a little while longer. I might work at the writing center after this next semester, if I get hired. It pays $18 an hour, either that or consider my break well had and start serving again. I went to my friend Ashley's engagement party, which was a nice excuse for a new dress and new patent-leather high heal maryjanes. I'm a sucker for any good excuse to dress up and buy something new and pretty... hell, a shitty excuse to do either is fine with me really. And as long as the bridesmaids dresses aren't some hideous chiffon monstrosity I'll be cool. I went to my first 80's night in a long time earlier this week. I went to two clubs in LA, in which Lukas got us kicked out of the first one before we even got inside, but the second one was pretty cool. Justin and I danced on poles and pedistals and had a blast. I went to Chaya again and had the best martini's ever, along with the best sushi possible. As for the holidays, from what I gather, I'm mostly getting $ this x-mas, which is good considering I don't trust my family to buy for me. I know that's horrible, but more than kind of true, unless I'm terribly specific. I know my dad's part in my new computer was a huge part of it, which is fine, because I needed it badly. All I really want are some gold flats, and some subdued eye make up... and maybe this perfume I really like. And if at some point I can buy new clothes and this black coat I've been eyeballing, that wouldn't hurt either. Bills first though, because they'll be waiting for me when I get home. I got my dad a USC sweatshirt and coffee mug... like he asked for. :) I plan on visiting you B&N people while I'm home, so keep your eyes pealed this week... I'll be in! I plan on working on a couple storries I stopped in frustration and now feel compelled to go back to. I have no idea what I'm doing for New Year's Eve, but Gaby will be back in LA by then when nobody else will, so maybe I'll find some party to go to this year... I honestly have no idea, but considering the city I'm in, I can't very well stay home and be okay with it. I just can't. Oh yeah, and this new semester means my bar quest will be underway. Chris will be in Laguna from Arizona next week, so maybe that'll be my chance to kick it off into full swing. Oh yeah, our house orchids Morty and Viva are dying... so if anyone knows anything about them, any info that will save their pathetic lives, I'm listening. Viva is a plain white orchid, but Morty is a more complex purple spider orchid. All his blooms fell off and Viva is wilting with him. Jesus Christ, why didn't I just stick to a fucking cactus! I can sure ass hell make those bastards bloom. I'm misting them and everything... I swear. Ok, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that shit. Make it count. Peace.

Jared's party and Halloween on Santa Monica Blvd. was awesome. I finally got not one, but two great opportunities to dress up. If I've learned one thing about Halloween here, and that's to take a big risk, so next year I'm going to be a 50's pin up girl and a dominatrix for the blvd. I mean, sure my wench and pirate costumes pretty much kicked ass, but I saw naked people this year, I saw fake dicks, big haired drag queens, and some wickedly cool costumes that would take me a while to discribe in its all out elaborate beauty. I feel inclined to put something together that is at least up to par next year. I want something comparable, something worthy of strangers wanting pics with me it's so outrageous. Besides, it'll give me an excuse to buy thigh high black boots, a whip, and possibly even a wig. ;)

I started taking a burlesque class (Bump & Gring 101). It's pretty fucking cool, though burlesque isn't as easy as it seems. The routines are fucking hot though. I've always liked the look of it, the costumes, the routined dancing, the music, the props, the sexy old school sequened feel of it. It's a little classy, a little raunchy, and I think it's fun. If anything, it's a pretty good work out, even if I'm a tad uncordinated when it comes to turns, and a bit of a clutz... it still turns out to be a hot little number. :)

Work is okay. I haven't really written about that. I have my first pilates class on Thursday, and people swear by this shit. Between burlesque, the free pilates, working out, and the kickboxing class I told Justin I'd take with him next semester... I better get toned. However, that would require me to eat out less often. :p

So far I've found a great Thai place on Hollywood Blvd. that has great noodles and tea ice cream. I have a good Mexican place called La Barca just down the street from me. It's a good walking distance away so I can come home shit faced off flavored margaritas and not have to worry about driving. I've been promised to get introduced to a great Indian place next weekend, because I've only had it once. But by far, the best discovery I've found so far is Chaya, over by the Beverly Center. It's expensive, unless you go for the sushi. I used to not like it very much, but thinking about sushi from this place makes my mouth water. The entrees are kind of pricey, over $25 a plate, and maybe that's just up there for a poor college student, but the sushi is reasonable, and if you go on Sunday when parking is free and the martinis are half priced... it's wonderful. I had spring rolls and fried calimari, sushi, and this AMAZING bananna dessert... and even with two martinis that tasted like heaven I was drunkity drunk drunk in no time. I'm so glad I didn't drive, and I didn't even notices myself get that drunk, I suddenly just was... it was blissful! Have you ever had a pomegranate martini? how about watermelon? tangerine? heh heh. If you don't mind sushi, then anyone who comes to visit me on a Sunday night I'm happily taking there. :)

I plan to use LA for great food and great bars. It's like a fun little quest! And it's just only begun!

Mwah!

I got a job. Harmony Studio, in West Hollywood. $10 an hour and a few sessions of free pilates now that I'm a receptionist for a pilates studio. I don't work that many hours, and only 3 days a week. I have the same schedule every week, with all morning to afternoon hours. It's a good job to have with school. I shouldn't be too overwhelmed with it. And I kind of like the idea of working in a healthy place, with healthy people. This is my first job that's fitness centered, which is a nice change. I won't be fighting 700 calorie pastries anymore. :)

So far I have 3 housemates who are for sure going on Halloween, 3 people who might go, and a couple more who I'm supposed to meet there at some point... at least to say hi. Marcy from work apparently goes every year. Justin also assured me he's going all out for this. He's wearing the cellophane dress at the end of Hedwig & The Angry Inch. I didn't even have to prompt him, he chose that risque outfit all on his own. I have to watch it again to be sure I remember it exactly, but I'm proud of him. That takes balls, especially if it's a cold night. Luke wants to be that dude in the short shorts from Reno 911. I've decided that next year I'm piecing together a costume. Maybe have a theme... and put it together myself. Mostly though, I'm just glad I found something I look good in... nay, AWESOME in! I feel thrilled to pieces I found that costume, really. Still, there is something to be said for creativity and imagination.

I would also be pleased if someone went to Knots Scary Farm with me this year. I haven't been in... 4 years? Geeze.

I went shopping on Melrose today (bad idea when you're low on money and have no job), to do Halloween costume shopping. I also came the realization that when I have a job again I have to shop for clothes there because they actually have some reasonably priced vintage clothes; some of those stores are the shit. I bought this bar wench costume (it's actually called a pirate's wench costume), but whatever, it's really fucking hot. I never find costumes that fit me that well, let alone in the first place I try. It all seemed pretty damn perfect, because right after that I found the perfect boots. They not only go with the costume, but I can wear them in real life after that. In fact, they go perfectly with this pair of jeans I have. They're pirate style and comfortable. Really great, well-priced, perfectly appropriate for anything boots. Anyway, Gaby was looking for these specific high waisted shorts because she wants to be a pin-up girl, so we kept looking. And low and behold, I find the perfect PERFECT female pirate costume. It's got the hat w/feather, red jacket with gold buttons, tons of lace, especially on the sleeves... couldn't look hotter in anything should I look for the rest of my life "PERFECT" costume. So since I couldn't return the old one, I did the unthinkable and bought both. Yes, it was expensive buying both... yes, probably not the smartest move when I thus had to pull from savings to afford both... but GODDAMNIT I looked AMAZING!!! The shoes work with both costumes too, and I even had a black petticoat, and now all I need is some fishnets if I can't find the ones I used to have, and I'm done. Now because I have both, I have to find two events to go to where I have the opportunity to wear both. If Jared has his party, or I find some party/event that's before Halloween (or some such thing) then I'll wear the wench costume then, but if nothing comes about then I'm saving it for next year or something, because the pirate is my finale... it's the one I'm stutting down Sunset in. Even my Marilyn Monroe costume a couple years ago wasn't this awesome! I'm really excited! It's just me and a couple of my housemates so far, and I do emphasize "so far"... and I know Gaby is going all out. Justin... well, I don't know if he will, and this may sound less than PC, but I really hope he does all gay men proud and goes slutty-extravagent and semi-whorish along with the rest of us.:) I can't wait. Fuck I love this holiday!

Today I had my 5,000,000,000th interview. It seemed to go well, but then again, I've thought that before. It was for a pilates studio in West Hollywood. It pays pretty well and has perfect days, and perfect times. In fact, it's too perfect, so I'm most surely not getting the job. It's just better if I think that. I also talked to someone about being a dog walker/errend runner for $12 an hour, but I have mixed feelings on that. The dog walking is cool, but the rest feels too much like I'm someone's bitch. Someone being an upscale interior designing jetsetter.

I did however meet with my professor for my survey class because I got so many random comments on my story I really didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to do with it to revise it. She said I was an amazing writer with a distinct voice, and that I might be one of the few writers who can leave the program with an agent. I felt really proud. I'd like to say I'm one of those people who takes criticism and it only makes them more driven, but I'm not. I need some positive affirmation now and then to make me feel like I'm not wasting my time... or theirs. I mean, I'd still write, but it's the difference between writing for a living, and deciding that maybe I should be a doctor or lawyer to support myself instead. And now, I'm again leaning toward fiction... and just can't seem to make up my fucking mind. Wonderful.

I'm going to Universal City Walk with Jared, Jaren, and Alex tomorrow to see a comedian, grab dinner and drinks. It should be fun. It's something new to do! I also saw Jared's new place the other day, which is very nice. And dude, you are a fucking awesome cook. Kudos. :)

I bought the new Killers Cd, the new Head Automatic which I'm less than enthused about, and The Elephant Vanishes by Haruki Murakami. It has this great story in it called "On Seeing The %100 Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning." It's brilliant, and only 3 pages. Simply amazing.

Saturday I'm getting my hair colored, because it has faded something crazy. I can't even tell you what color my hair is at this point. Sunday I'm going with Gabby and Justin to get a Halloween costume! It looks like I probably can't afford to go to Monster Massive this year, but we're still going to get drunk on Sunset dressed to the nines! I leave an open invitation to anyone who wants to go. I haven't done Halloween justice in while, and it pains me.

That's it. G'night...